Bad Day

I am sharing this only because it's been a bad day. A shitty day. I edit my feelings and comments when people inquire, so others see only the joy of special needs parenting. There is a joy and richness that cannot be described, but there are bad days. Shitty days. And so it goes.


Written to Summerhouse teachers:

Hi, All.

Can you possibly reinforce proper behavior at home again? We've had nothing but nonstop bullying, scratching, territorial issues and tension since yesterday. Examples:

• Karenna wasn't allowed to speak to me in my own bathroom last night. Mackenzie bullied us both for about 10 minutes by screaming and yelling, and then attacked Karenna by scratching. Five minutes later she repeated "I'm sorry" a hundred times, which is standard. It doesn't help and it is very annoying. If we don't say "it's okay" 100 times with her, the behaviors start up again.
• Juliette was not allowed into the den or kitchen this morning. She was forced by Mackenzie to stay outside in our patio area until I got home, whereby she went nuts when Juliette came back in. No attacks but constant verbal abuse.
• Mackenzie controls our TV in the den, although there are countless other TVs throughout the house. While I was getting my car washed, apparently she and Chris got into a knock-down drag-out because she would not allow Chris to show videos of his recent band engagement to Juliette and teenage friends. 
• Mackenzie commandeers certain seats and couches in the house and will not allow others to sit there.
• The house is always a disaster, with her losing her mind if i try to clean up her craft messes. She refuses to clean them herself. I cannot have a clean house, ever.

All of this is followed up by "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," and crying, etc., but these are hours, weeks and days out of our family life.

Besides the fact that these behaviors disrupt our home life and they are as annoying as hell, I know she must control her behaviors to some day live independently. Can we bring up these issues  EVERY DAY so she can allow us to have some peace?

Thank you for your love and devotion toward Mackenzie. I sometimes want to send her to a home because after 20 years I'm tired of all this tension, which is never-ending and ongoing. You remind me to focus on all the good she has in her heart, and I love her very much. I know she's a leader at Summerhouse and has good behaviors in her. But I'm exhausted and our family is exhausted.

Thanks so much!

MJ