122 Random Things That Suck

Facebook of late is awash in everyone's "100 Days of Happiness" and "Seven Days of Gratitude."  I can't take it. I mean honest to God, it's too much sharing, even for me. Do we need to know your husband makes you breakfast in bed each Sunday or your toddler made a poo-poo? Yes, I'm grateful for God, husband, children, friends, pets, good health, employment, my country and frozen margaritas, no salt. Even so, let's get a little real here. Don't some things just get under your skin? Tick you off? Annoy the ever-loving bats--t out of you? If not then I'll raise a glass (frozen margarita, no salt) when you're selected for sainthood. I, on the other hand, just completed a most therapeutic exercise listing some random things that suck:

1.      Lines

2.      Crowds

3.      Excessive heat

4.      Lines, crowds and excessive heat all at one time (never been to Disney World for a reason)

5.      Body odor

6.      Whiners

7.      Liars

8.      Sitting next to airplane yakkers

9.      Middle seats on airplanes

10.   Stuck in middle seats on airplanes between whiners or yakkers with body odor

11.   Fat men in speedos

12.   Fat men in speedos who flirt with me

13.   Constipation

14.   Computer problems

15.   IT help desk people I cannot understand

16.   IT help desk people who cannot understand ME

17.   Circular phone menus (like, where the hell is a human?)

18.   Injustice

19.   Bourbon

20.   Whiskey

21.   Hemorrhoids

22.   Eye rolling

23.   When people say you’ll love a dish, then you try it and you hate it and they’re looking at you, like, “Do you love it?”

24.   People who don’t RSVP

25.   Automatic flushing toilets

26.   Automatic faucets

27.   When people arrive too early for a party and you’re not ready

28.   Trying to tie a scarf

29.   No-shows

30.   Facebook posts imploring people to “cut and paste to your own page”

31.   Facebook game invitations (I don’t want to play your stupid games)

32.  When women use those tissue toilet covers and then just leave them there. You think I want to sit on your tissue, you freaks?

33.   Traffic

34.   When people say I look sick but I’m not sick at all, so I wonder why I look so bad

35.   Dental fillings

36.   Dental drills

37.   Dental anything

38.   Dentists

39.   Loneliness

40.   Bullies

41.   Food stuck in my teeth

42.   When noone tells me there’s food stuck in my teeth so I wonder how long I’ve gone around like that

43.   Disrespect

44.   Sharing a bed with anyone besides husband, kids or pets

45.   Jalapeños

46.   Poor grammar

47.   Big, fat  know-it-alls

48.   Feeling de-valued

49.   Tedium

50.   Pantylines

51.   People who belittle someone’s dreams

52.   Finding moldy food in kids’ rooms

53.   Smell of cat pee

54.   People who pass gas in elevators and step off, so that newcomers on elevator think I did it

55.   Opportunists

56.   Work politics

57.   Corporate buzz words so spectacular that linked together they make a whole new language

58.   Unmade beds

59.   When people inadvertently spit on me while talking

60.   People who don’t respond to emails or phone calls (just give me a damn answer, thank you very much)

61.   It’s when it should be its and your when it should be you’re

62.   Speed bumps

63.   Justin Bieber

64.   Getting lost

65.   Racism

66.   Homophobes

67.   People who turn their house lights off on Halloween

68.   Laziness

69.   Flight delays due to nothing in general

70.   Chanel No. 5

71.   Weak handshakes

72.   Wobbly restaurant tables

73.   Weird celebrity baby names

74.   Drunk driving

75.   When men don’t aim directly into the toilet

76.   Indirect answers to direct questions (just give me a damn answer, thank you very much)

77.   Passive aggressiveness

78.   Chewing gum with mouth open

79.   Regret

80.   People who tell me to “rein it in” because I’m too happy, bubbly, chatty or otherwise not conforming to their idea of proper behavior (I say, kiss my arse)

81.   People who assume I’m shallow because I’m too happy, bubbly, chatty or otherwise not conforming to their idea of proper behavior (Kiss it again)

82.   People who assume I’m stupid because I’m too happy, bubbly, chatty or otherwise not conforming to their idea of proper behavior (Kiss it three times)

83.   Overdone plastic molded packaging that causes me to cut my finger when prying open a cheap toy

84.   Hypocrisy

85.   Spammers

86.   When someone says they don’t want dessert so you order your own and then they start eating yours

87.   Walking into spider webs

88.   Arguing about politics

89.   People who are mean to servers at restaurants

90.   Wet toilet paper

91.   Self-righteousness

92.   Peeling off wet bathing suit to go to bathroom and then toilet seat is wet too

93.   How squirrels look in the rear view mirror after you run over them (oops)

94.   Jerks who take up two parking spaces

95.   People who insult my integrity

96.   Slow pokes in left lane

97.   Runaway shopping carts

98.   Seeing young kids at R-rated movies

99.   Chasing after a ping pong ball

100.          Fingernail clipping in public

101.          Tip-stiffers

102.          Restaurant tables next to noisy kitchen or restrooms

103.          When people hurt my kids

104.          Cliques

105.          Four slow-walkers at a mall positioned such that you can’t get by

106.          Four slow-walkers on a sidewalk positioned such that you can’t get by

107.          When people call and don’t leave a message. What did they want?

108.          People who don’t celebrate the good in others

109.          Lipstick that goes through cracks around lips and runs up face

110.          Unsolicited advice

111.          Walking into a room and forgetting why

112.          Child abuse

113.          Animal abuse

114.          Poverty

115.          War

116.          Disease

117.          Violence

118.          Watching a loved one die

119.          Watching my child suffer

120.          Watching anyone suffer

121.          Tuberous sclerosis complex

122.          And finally, bird poop.